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Post by gingerluna on May 10, 2019 19:14:23 GMT -6
Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?
Spottedeye liked having Paledawn in the elder's den. She deserved the rest, and as much as he liked Brokentooth, he'd been friends with her for much longer. Now, they were able to live together, share meals, lazy mornings, old stories. He knew he was dying. His eye was long black and sightless, and now a lump grew above it. He was exhausted always, and it took a great effort just to walk about the camp. He never wanted to eat, but he still choked down mouthfuls of the prey the apprentices brought him, knowing it'd break too many hearts if he just gave up. But he was so...tired. He remembered when he'd just been Pinefur, a new warrior, and the world had seemed so easy. He'd raced with the rabbits, climbed the tallest trees, charged at wolves. And now he was panting with effort and seized with pain simply from taking a few steps out of camp. If he was going to die, he had to see it one last time. He had to be Pinefur one last time, so he could die as Spottedeye.
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Post by silentpaws on May 16, 2019 3:59:53 GMT -6
(hi I'm not ready for these feels)
Paledawn was at the top of the hill near the camp, one of her favourite places on the whole moor. Many a special conversation had happened there; from conjuring up impossible dreams with Tawnyflame to confessing them all to Dartwing so many seasons later. And now it was a place she liked to sit, whenever the world was moving too fast and she needed a moment to sit and be still in the chaos for a moment. She wasn't sure what had brought on that feeling as she'd woken that morning, but she'd left Brokentooth and Spottedeye asleep in the den to make the trek up the gentle slope as the sun finished rising. And while her expression was content, her tailtip was twitching in anticipation of what her instincts could tell her was coming.
It was by complete chance that she glanced down the hill to see a cat slowly leaving the camp. But she immediately recognised it as Spottedeye, and quickly rose to her paws and hurried down to where he was struggling to make it up the rise. "Spottedeye, what are you doing out here?" she asked, her medicine cat head taking over as she watched his chest heaving for breath. It broke her heart to see how he struggled to move about the camp these days so the last place she'd expected to see him was trying to leave.
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Post by gingerluna on May 16, 2019 12:44:01 GMT -6
Spottedeye cracked a smile at her approach, letting out a low, ragged chuff. How could he tell her he was ready to die? She'd tried so hard to help him, he didn't want to admit to her that she'd failed. (But she had to know, everyone did, he saw the way they looked at him). He leaned against her as he caught his breath, lifting his head to feel the breeze in his fur, and closing his eyes in delight.
"You understand," he finally murmured. "I have to see it all again. My home, Paledawn. Please. I gave my life to this territory, I trained warriors here, I...I just need to see it. One more time." He moved off her so he could look at her, so that the weight of his words wouldn't be lost. He couldn't laugh this off. His pelt hung loose on his body, spine jutting out in a line, eyes dull and fur shedding. StarClan was calling him.
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Post by silentpaws on May 16, 2019 16:03:57 GMT -6
She stood firm as Spottedeye rested his weight on her side, an unwavering support as his strength failed him for a moment. The sound of his pleading hurt her more than the sight of his protruding skeleton and lifeless eyes always did these days, and as soon as her gaze met his desperate eyes she knew she couldn't begin to tell him no. As much as she hated to admit it, Paledawn was a medicine cat and she knew the telltale signs of when death was approaching for someone. If she concentrated she could even see the first whisps of StarClan in the corner of her vision, but it was too early for her to tell who was coming to take him onwards. There was still time. They still had time.
Paledawn gave a sad sort of smile as she nodded, leaning forwards to touch her nose to his cheek briefly before she stepped back and gestured for him to lead the way. "Come on," she murmured softly, "Let's be Palepaw and Pinepaw one last time." It had been countless seasons since anyone had called him by that name, but it felt right with what her words really meant.
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Post by gingerluna on May 16, 2019 16:52:27 GMT -6
Spottedeye, Pinefur, Pinepaw, leaned into the touch before stepping forward, painfully aware of his slow pace. The moor. He just needed to see it, smell it, feel the grass against his fur. He looked up at the pines, charred bark new again in his mind's eye as he raced the other apprentices up the trunk. The feel of a rabbit struggling beneath his claws. The sun setting on the lake. His heart ached. He didn't know what to say to Paledawn. He thought of Dreamfeather and Lightstone, and wished they were both alive. He thought of his mother, and the siblings he'd barely known. He wondered if they were waiting.
"I'll see you again," he murmured finally, as the moor began to poke out through the pines. "All of you, it's just...another step." He looked over at her, his black eye glistening. "Thank you, Paledawn. I know you tried your hardest. If anything could've been done, you would've figured it out."
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Post by silentpaws on May 16, 2019 17:11:00 GMT -6
Paledawn didn't interrupt his silence as they walked, knowing that he was drinking in every last detail of their homeland while he still could. And in reality that was what she was doing too, but rather than focusing on the ground beneath her feet it was the friend at her side. He was the only cat left from the group of apprentices she had grown up with; Kitesun, Sootwing, Heatherflame, Tawnyflame, all of them gone now. All that would be left was her. So she was happy to just put all her focus on being with him in the present moment before it was gone too soon.
But when he eventually spoke she listened intently, her heart aching at the horrible truth of the words he was speaking. "Course you will," she began, but broke off with a laugh as he continued. "You've always thanked me but I've never known why. And not just because I was the medicine cat and it was my duty, but you've always been one of my best friends. I'd have challenged StarClan myself if it could have made it any easier for you." The look of fond amusement lingered on her face for a moment, before it dropped into a tired sigh. "I'm sorry we never did figure it out. But StarClan knows we tried, eh?" she added, the corner of her lip twisting wryly. As much as the circumstances were sorrowful she knew he'd appreciate her keeping the tone somewhat light.
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Post by gingerluna on May 16, 2019 20:32:40 GMT -6
Spottedeye let out a low chuff as she spoke, appreciating the attempt at humor, considering the circumstances. "We certainly did," he said. Celadine treatments everyday, poultices galore, even when they were shifting camps. StarClan, she'd tried. Of course he had to thank her. He stepped forward, through the trees, to greet a gust of wind off the moor. He could scent rabbits. He remembered a day when he'd crawled into the warrens to catch a particularly large one that'd evaded him. He realized he couldn't remember if he'd caught the rabbit or not.
He sat down at the moor's edge, catching his breath and listening to the sound of the grass in the wind. He looked over at Paledawn besides him, and let out a low, defeated sigh. "You know, I've always had a crush on you."
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Post by silentpaws on May 17, 2019 3:26:06 GMT -6
“I know,” Paledawn said, “I’ve always known.” Her words were as gentle as the smile on her face as she spoke, regarding him with a warm expression. It was true that she’d always known, even though he’d never been quite as forward as Tawnyflame had been back in their youth. Perhaps he’d seen what the rest of the Clan had not between the two she-cats or maybe he’d simply been content to admire her from afar, she would never know. But even though she’d never been able to reciprocate his feelings she’d always thought of him as one of her dearest friends.
With a soft chuckle she continued “I’m not sure what you or anyone ever saw in snarky old me but I wish I could have felt the same. StarClan knows if you were a she-cat and I was a warrior then you’d have probably swept me right off my paws.” Or maybe not even if she was a warrior, she added privately. But in the wake of his confession she wasn’t going to mention her relationship with Tawnyflame unless he brought it up first.
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Post by gingerluna on May 17, 2019 9:32:58 GMT -6
Spottedeye knew she knew, on some level, but it was odd to hear her say it aloud. Though he supposed it was odd to be dying. He flashed her a wry glance at her comment. "Oh, that's about the silliest thing you've ever said," he huffed. "Do you know how many lives you've saved? " He pushed to his paws and took a step forward into the grass, closing his eyes and remembering. He could smell his mother, just beside him, warm like he'd forgotten. "Hawkstrike is gone. Acorndrop will take over the Clan, Dartwing will train another apprentice, and I suppose I'll have to guide things along, in the stars." He opened his eyes and looked back at Paledawn. "I wish you'd found the happiness you sought." He'd seen the way she and Tawnyflame looked at eachother. He didn't know the pain but he could see it in her.
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Post by silentpaws on Jun 20, 2019 16:28:39 GMT -6
Paledawn returned his wry glance in full force, shaking her head a little. "Pfft. You flatter me," she said, but her amusement faded when he stepped forwards into the grass with a serene look on his face. "Life goes on, doesn't it," she echoed his sentiment quietly, thinking herself how much everything had changed. Not in a bad way and not in a sudden way either, but retirement had a way to make a cat think of how much they'd lived through. Her career had seen everything change within the Clan over the countless seasons, and she could only be grateful that she'd had the oppertunity to see so many moons. But her smile returned a little when he continued. "I did," she said simply, stepping up so she was shoulder to shoulder to him. "Oh perhaps romance would've been nice. But she and I had nearly everything. And everyone else in my life made up for what little I lost through this career. I've said this to Dartwing and I'll say it again, if I had the chance to start over then I wouldn't change a thing." There was honesty in her eyes as she looked at him, glad that all their secrets were out in the open at last.
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Post by gingerluna on Jun 20, 2019 17:58:01 GMT -6
Her words brought about a deep peace, and he smiled at her, his expression true like it hadn't been in moons. He could feel someone around him, cats pressing against his pelt, whispering encouragement in his ears. But he wasn't at all alarmed. "Neither would I," he murmured, looking back at her, and the forest. He let out a low hum, the exhaustion and aches dulled. "Would you walk me home?" he asked, something like longing in his eyes.
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Post by silentpaws on Jun 21, 2019 16:55:44 GMT -6
His admission brought a sense of peace over her. It was a bittersweet ending, she thought, that two cats who'd lived their lives like parallel paths never quite touching could look back and truthfully say they wouldn't change anything. Lives full of 'almosts'. In another universe they could have been happy together, had kits and raised a family and been together. But that wasn't this universe, and even so they had still always had enough. Yes their paths had never quite collided like they might have done, but this way they had always been a constant by each other's side through thick and thin. A bittersweet ending indeed.
When he made his final request of her, Paledawn dipped her head. "Of course," she murmured, also feeling the motion of starry forms against her. The time was close. "I'll stay with you until it's over," she added on, pressing her brow against his cheek for a moment as her composure wavered. Her foolish heart longed to ask him to stay, so that they could pretend they still had moons ahead of them while still on the moors rather than walk back into camp and accept that she was walking him to his end. But then she moved to stand so he could lean her weight on her shoulder once more. If he could be brave enough to walk into StarClan with his head held high then she would be by his side for as long as she was able.
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Post by gingerluna on Jun 22, 2019 9:01:30 GMT -6
(fin, so i can do death thread)
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