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Post by theatricals on Apr 17, 2019 21:31:32 GMT -6
Her paws scrambled for a hold on the rock formation as she moved downward, the dry surface not providing her any more help against her body's lack of stability. It wasn't a far drop, not even more than a fox-length, and she could almost convince herself that she could deal with the lack of balance. Ashenstar could deal with age just as well as any other cat, leading her Clan just as she had when she was young.
When she heard the slightest crack in her joints, however, she grew uncomfortable. She wasn't nearly the oldest in the Clan, but to continue moving--to walk around, to hunt, to patrol--when some of the cats who were her denmates had already retired to the elders... well, it was a lot to think about.
She had considered voicing her concerns to her sister, but she had already joined the elders' in her den and it felt almost... wrong to bring it up. Her distracted mind was not far enough that she couldn't feel the shock when Azurepaw disappeared, his scent trail going beyond their territory. She wasn't sure she was actually surprised, but there was certainly a moment of shock when Hawkstrike revealed he was going to look for him. Looking into her deputy's eyes, she could see the concern and heartbreak, and she had to understand.
There was too much to think about. She had informed everyone of Hawkstrike's departure, and he had even told some cats himself. But now she was alone, scanning the crowd until she saw Acorndrop. The she-cat flicked her tail toward him almost absently, beckoning him forward as she padded into her den.
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Post by gingerluna on Apr 18, 2019 15:46:57 GMT -6
Acorndrop didn't know what to think. Ever since the meeting, he'd half been expecting Ashenstar to approach him about what happened with Dancingflame. But why had she waited until now? Anxiously, he bounded after her, light on his feet and tail low as he followed her into her den.
"I hope Hawkstrike returns with Azurepaw," he said, hoping he could distract from the inevitable by mentioning their current plight. "The stars are with him." He didn't look at her, staring past her at the wall in a daze.
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Post by theatricals on Apr 25, 2019 22:45:00 GMT -6
Ashenstar was silent for a few moments, settling down into her nest with her leg laying uncomfortably beside her. She had promised to take it easy, but sitting around made her feel worse. Talking was a nice distraction, but it almost appeared as though she had forgotten what she had planned to say when Acorndrop followed her into the den. Her mind was very much elsewhere, but there were still things to get done.
Realizing that the warrior had spoken, she turned back to him, blinking. "He will do what needs to be done. No one can fault him for his decision." It sounded as though she was though she was trying to convince herself as much as she was him. Her eyes glazed over momentarily as she stared at the wall, and when she looked at him again, it looked like she had only just seen him. Bluntly, she said, "You will fill his place."
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Post by gingerluna on Apr 26, 2019 8:36:26 GMT -6
Acorndrop's entire face was wiped of any emotion as Ashenstar spoke. He looked away from her, taking a step back. "Are you serious?" he asked, heart beating quick and steady as he tried to think, but found his mind was as blank as a snowfield. He couldn't be deputy, he...he took a deep breath. "I'd be honored to serve my Clan, but..." Dancingflame. Cherrypaw. Did Ashenstar have any idea what he'd done? He'd wanted this. He couldn't deny that, but now, he didn't feel ready. "Why me?"
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Post by theatricals on May 1, 2019 21:19:35 GMT -6
Ashenstar peered at him, eyes half closed. From the way she looked, it appeared as though she was trying to remember something she had forgotten. Eventually, she straightened up, ignoring his question as she asked her own: "Is it safe to assume you've been keeping secrets?" she asked. It was a general question, one she could have probably asked half the Clan and gotten an answer to. The she-cat had no proof for any wrongdoings on his part, but she knew that several cats in the Clan had broken the code. It would do well for the tom to speak up if he was one of them.
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Post by gingerluna on May 3, 2019 21:47:41 GMT -6
Acorndrop bowed his head in response to the question, the truth choking in his throat. "I...I was going to to tell you," he stuttered, unable to look at her. The shame rose like floodwaters, burning like a pine in the night. "But I didn't know how." How much should he say? Ashenstar was the Clan leader, but StarClan, was this impossible. "I...I have a kit. In WillowClan." He took a step back from Ashenstar, ears flat and body low. "It was after the fire. And I've only seen the mother once since, just to hear about them, and learn their names. One's dead." He stopped talking, taking a steading breath. Mothkit, his daughter, dying without ever knowing him, sick and far away. Now above him, in the stars. "And the other's an apprentice. I haven't met her." He finally gathered the courage to look at Ashenstar. "My loyalty is to RavenClan above all else. But I cannot and will not deny that I love my daughter."
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Post by theatricals on May 8, 2019 16:53:09 GMT -6
Ashenstar lifted her chin, coldly observing as he explained while a whirlwind erupted within her. While she could have her emotional outbursts, she did have quite a bit of practice of masking them when it was needed most. She imagined most leaders were forced to do the same, if only to ensure that their clanmates didn't panic when they were faced with a tragedy or disaster. It was only a few seconds after Acorndrop had finished that she began to speak herself.
"I never suspected you, you know," she said plainly, moving a single paw across the dirt as though she was deciding whether or not that was actually true. "Some cats made very plain suspects--though I never knew for sure. The only reason I asked was that I knew you were honest enough to give me the truth." No, she hadn't thought him to have broken the code, but she trusted him to admit if he had. Eying him once more, she lowered her voice. "You do realize, had you kept this information to yourself, there is a chance I would never have known? Why speak up now?"
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Post by gingerluna on May 8, 2019 20:10:50 GMT -6
Acorndrop shook as she spoke, blown away by her words. But it made no difference. He didn't want it to be a secret, it was only for Cherrypaw and Dancingflame's sake he'd lied about it for so long. And now, with Ashenstar offering him the deputy position, he had to come clean. She deserved to make an informed choice. Lying would've felt worse, so much worse, than the sharp truth before them.
"I...had to. I can't lie to you," he replied, unsure what else to say. "You're offering me a chance to be the /deputy of RavenClan/, it's such an honor, you...you deserve to know everything. I should've told you before, but it just wasn't my secret to share." He trusted Ashenstar wouldn't tell anyone else. Or at least, he hoped. "Shimmerglade and Dreamfeather know. And that's it."
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Post by theatricals on May 18, 2019 14:38:22 GMT -6
Ashenstar listened patiently, wanting to hear his explanation but also knowing that it probably wasn't necessary. There were plenty of other cats who would knowingly keep the secret with the intent to never say anything--to keep living it out without any thought to the consequences. The idea made her blood boil, but she couldn't apply that to Acorndrop. He was a good warrior, if a bit foolish, but that didn't make for a bad cat. "You are not the first cat to make a mistake," she reassured him, although it was hard to say whether she was trying to make him feel better or just stating the facts. Dragging a paw through the dirt, she let out a soft sigh. "Clan leaders are not as honorable as you may think them to do. We make the same mistakes."
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Post by gingerluna on May 19, 2019 17:26:14 GMT -6
Acorndrop looked up at her, gaze bare with confusion and vulnerability as he pondered the true meaning of her words. It would be rude to ask, but...Ashenstar had made mistakes? It was strange to think about, however, he knew he was being silly. Of /course/ she had, she was a cat just like any other. He looked away from her, heart still thrumming rapidly in his chest. "So...does this mean you still want me?" He didn't know what to expect at this point, but he would accept whatever answer she gave.
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Post by theatricals on May 21, 2019 13:52:43 GMT -6
Ashenstar flicked her tail, but from the fur rising along her spine, it was easy to see she was growing impatient. Despite possibly sharing a moment, she wasn't in the mood to be pressed. Losing Hawkstrike, even if it wasn't forever, was still raw. "Acorndrop, you need to grow some confidence if you are going to keep up. I'm not going to repeat myself. Your actions were forgiven, but I am not forgetting them. It's up to you from here." She had already told him what he needed to hear, and it wasn't her place to reassure him of what she wanted or how she felt. He needed to get by with his own assurance, not hers.
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Post by gingerluna on May 21, 2019 17:34:52 GMT -6
Acorndrop noticed the leader's mood shifting, and reacted quickly. "Yes. Yes, I'm sorry, I-" He stopped, realizing that was the opposite of confidence. It was funny. Sometimes he felt like he was overflowing with the stuff, and other times he felt like he was lying to everyone he knew. "I promise I'll do a good job, for you and for RavenClan." He turned to leave, wondering if Ashenstar would make an announcement. He was terrible at keeping things like this a secret. However, he didn't want to ask her anymore questions. He warred with himself for a moment before finally looking back. "Is it alright if I tell others? Or do you want to do it yourself?"
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Post by theatricals on May 28, 2019 22:54:39 GMT -6
It appeared as though she may not have even heard him, but she nodded anyway, giving the impression that she at least acknowledged him. Her features softened slightly, perhaps realizing how harsh she was being, but the only thing she could do was give a curt nod. "Go ahead and tell them." It was a short order, but one she was unsure she could follow up on. There would of course be a ceremony, as was tradition, but it felt... wrong. Wrong to do it now, wrong to have to do it at all. It was rare that a deputy would just... leave. It still stung, and since she had until moonhigh, she was taking the time she needed.
"I made a mistake as well," she said suddenly, lifting her head as though she had just remembered something important. Her eyes, however, remained hard as she stared back at him. "A terrible one. I will be paying for it for the rest of my days, as will you. Tread carefully, Acorndrop." It was a warning as well as an apology--maybe even a request for forgiveness.
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Post by gingerluna on May 31, 2019 19:28:47 GMT -6
Acorndrop brightened at the reply, stepping forward with the intention of telling Dreamfeather and Shimmerglade right away, when Ashenstar's words stopped him. His heart dropped and he froze, looking back at her. Was this about her kits? What had Ashenstar done? Unnerved, Acorndrop knew he couldn't ask. He merely nodded, bounding out of the den and staring down at the ground. He took a deep, shuddering breath, then looked over at the camp. Pride rose in him like a warm greenleaf breeze. He was going to be deputy.
(fin)
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