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Post by niftyshark on Jun 20, 2019 13:29:35 GMT -6
His first apprentice as a leader managed to feel a lot more daring than he would have expected. It was almost like he was receiving his first apprentice again. While there was much more expectation on him in general, given he had a whole clan to guide, it almost felt like he had to be perfect. Maybe it was expectation he put on himself, but it seemed to him like the clan was watching his every move. And after what happened to his apprentice’s mother, he felt even more strongly that he had to make sure he was on the right track.
Shrikestar nibbled absently on a mouse outside of his den as the sun rose from the horizon. The orange and pink in the sky was slowly fading to a pale blue, and the wind cutting across the camp clearing and through the willow trees was uncomfortable. It made it a little colder than usual, but training had to go on. He made no effort to wake Beanpaw, waiting and quietly hoping that the tom would be out of his nest soon.
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Post by darkwolf45 on Jun 21, 2019 20:47:27 GMT -6
He had barely spent much time training before his mother's death, and it was even worse now. He tried to avoid it as much as possible, sleeping in the medicine cat den at night, sneaking out of camp, avoiding Shrikestar if he could. Today though as he heaved himself out of his nest and into the light of day, his mind a little quieter today thankfully. He could only imagine how his brother felt, but he didn't want to talk about it just yet, he figured Haypaw would talk to him when he was ready. Beanpaw was about to leave the camp when he spotted Shrikestar, his pawsteps halting as he stared at the tom. He'd given his mother a warrior name after her death, one that had fit how hard she had fought to protect them. How long could he avoid training before he started to fall behind everyone he knew.
On impulse he started walking toward's the WillowClan leader, "Shrikestar." He greeted as he stopped in front of the tom, probably not the most formal way to approach a clan leader, but he couldn't really care right now.
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Post by niftyshark on Jun 25, 2019 23:38:41 GMT -6
He was actually surprised to hear his name called. He lifted his head and scanned warily, blinking when Beanpaw approached. He remained just as cautious, because he knew how slippery Beanpaw was with training. He tried not to hold it against the apprentice since the loss of his mother, but he didn’t want the young tom to start falling behind. “Oh, Beanpaw, I’m glad to see you. I was just planning to go stock the fresh kill pile. The first hunting patrol just left, so I was planning to go the other way. It’s peaceful, so would you like to join me?” It felt safest to phrase it that way—not like mandatory training, but something leisurely and quiet where Beanpaw could adjust. It was Shrikestar’s small way of accommodation, a way to acknowledge the hardship without putting on too much pressure.
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Post by darkwolf45 on Jun 26, 2019 0:08:36 GMT -6
He wasn’t sure how to feel about Shrikestar being glad to see him. Probably was only because he was the leader and his mentor that he even cared that much. The offer to go hunting was something that before he’d have jumped on, that chance to bring his mother back his prized catch. Now though he didn’t have anyone to bring it back to, he almost told Shrikestar no, but after another hesitation he nodded. “I’d like that. I wanna try and catch something for Bayflower since I keep sleeping in his den.”
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Post by niftyshark on Jun 26, 2019 0:29:03 GMT -6
Shrikestar nodded. “That’s a wise choice.” He stood and beckoned for Beanpaw to follow him. He led the way out of the camp clearing, towards the entrance, then through it. He took a moment to get his bearings, then faced opposite of the way the patrol went and started walking that way. He made sure to keep his pace steady so Beanpaw could walk alongside him. “We can catch as much as little or as you would like. Or if you decide you want to do something else, we can do that. I’m leaving what we do and how much to you.” It seemed like the best option at the current time to get Beanpaw comfortable. It wasn’t like Shrikestar to be firm or harsh, and he didn’t think that would work in this situation anyway.
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Post by darkwolf45 on Jun 26, 2019 0:49:07 GMT -6
He shrugged at Shrikestar’s words before following beside the older tom, ears twitching slightly as they left the chatter of the camp behind. He wasn’t really sure where their destination was, but so long as they stayed away from the outsiders border he was sure he’d be fine. That being said, the moment the choice was left to him he halted, ears pinning back. “Aren’t you supposed to decide what we do? I mean your the mentor. Why are you letting me have so much choice, especially with the fact I have been avoiding training so much?”
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Post by niftyshark on Jun 27, 2019 7:29:40 GMT -6
He stopped to look at Beanpaw. “Well, I know a thing or two about being apprehensive of training.” He spent many of his moons that way, and the tingle of discomfort when he thought about it still remained. Pinewhisker was ever-patient with him, and he knew he could afford Beanpaw the same patience and respect. “I could force you to train, and to do what I want, but you wouldn’t like me very much, would you?” He smiled then, and he chased away any thoughts of inadequacy. Just because he didn’t have nine lives didn’t mean he couldn’t lead. Shrikestar took a deep breath. “You learn only when you want to. I can’t force that. So I want to teach you what you want to learn most, and we can work on getting you comfortable with training.”
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Post by darkwolf45 on Jul 1, 2019 20:15:47 GMT -6
The logic behind Shrikestar's words made him pause, ears flicking back as he stared at the leader. The fact that the gray tom in front of him was being so reasonable despite how Beanpaw had been avoiding training, avoiding him. A huff puffed out of him as he looked away, "You're right. I'd hate you if you forced me. I'd probably demand a new mentor, which would be funny since you're the leader and all that." Beanpaw shuffled his paws, eyes flicking back to the tom in front of him, a wry smile gracing his muzzle as he buried down his surprise, suspicion and grief. After another moment's pause, his gaze sharpening as he straightened up.
"You say its my choice? If you're serious, then I wanna learn how to run faster." The request hung in the air, his shoulders tense as he watched Shrikestar, waiting to see what his reaction would be.
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Post by niftyshark on Jul 1, 2019 22:40:57 GMT -6
He had a disconcerting feeling that Beanpaw wasn’t lying about potentially hating him. The young tom was bold to mention that, but the leader chose to avoid that altogether. Shrikestar was serious in his proposition, but Beanpaw’s suggestion made him feel conflicted. His own strength was in jumping and swimming, not running. Could he teach his apprentice something that he wasn’t particularly skilled in? And why did Beanpaw want to learn about running faster? It wasn’t the most practical application in their territory. “I’m not going to lie,” he began, “but I’m not very skilled in running. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to teach you sufficiently.” He paused for a moment, continuing to choose his words carefully. “Why do you want to learn that?”
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Post by darkwolf45 on Jul 1, 2019 23:04:59 GMT -6
Beanpaw hesitated, for a moment realizing his how his idea might sound. He was Willowclan, as far as everyone in the clan knew he had no connection to RavenClan and its moors. He scrambled for something, anything, before an idea formed, one that wasn't entirely false, wasn't entirely wrong. He wanted to avoid the though process it brought about but he had to justify himself somehow, without throwing Coyotestorm into the fire. "I wasn't fast enough." He finally blurted out, looking away as he fought the pain, how he had tried so hard to be fast, and had left his brother to suffer. "I wasn't fast enough and my mother died because of it. My brother has nightmares because I couldn't save our mother."
He dug his claws into the ground, a familiar anger burning through the pain of that day, "I didn't run fast enough and my mother died and it is my fault." He gaze snapped back up to Shrikestar, amber eyes burning with anger and pain and some other undetermined emotion.
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Post by niftyshark on Jul 2, 2019 21:39:07 GMT -6
The sudden revelation wasn’t something Shrikestar expected after days of silence, and he was momentarily stricken. He knew what it was like to lose his parents, but not in such a horrible way. Not in a way that brought so much guilt. He’d been trying to plan how to bring up Beanpaw’s state of mind, and through the shock was a thin thread of relief that Beanpaw did it himself. It took him a moment to follow that thread and compose himself, but once he did he made sure he was facing his apprentice directly. “Beanpaw. What happened wasn’t your fault. It might be hard to hear this now, but you running fast enough wouldn’t... have the outcome that you wish for. That I wish for.” He paused then, sadly. “You will never be the reason for what happened. I can’t begin to imagine how you feel, but know that all of WillowClan feels her loss. She was a great warrior despite her origins. There is no cat more befitting of the name Darkfury than her.”
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Post by darkwolf45 on Jul 2, 2019 21:56:07 GMT -6
Shrikestar's words did little to help the self-loathing he had for himself after the death of his mother, the destruction it had wrought on his brother's mind. It had supposed to be a good day, he was supposed to meet his father, see his mother smile, his brother and him were supposed to be happy by the end of that day. He twitched his ears, looking away as he shuffled his paws, leaving gashes in the dirt, sides heaving as he fought to not break down. It wouldn't do himself any good. Crying wouldn't bring his mother back.
"She deserves to be alive." He replied, snapping his gaze back again, a fire in his eyes. "You said it was my choice. I want to learn to be fast, to be able to run without getting tired so easy." Beanpaw was stiff in the way he stood, eyes narrowed, head held high, "Or are RavenCln the only ones allowed to learn that?" He said dryly.
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Post by niftyshark on Jul 2, 2019 22:44:43 GMT -6
His words were sincere, but he could tell they were falling on deaf ears. Shrikestar winced at Beanpaw’s tone, and he dropped his original thought. It was clear it was too early for the conversation. “Any cat can learn to run,” he clarified. “I can’t teach you like a RavenClan cat could, but I can teach you to the best of my ability.” He paused as he looked out towards the willow trees in the distance. “You need to practice building up your stamina. That’s the first step no matter what you want to learn. Stretch out your muscles, and then just start running. Find a rhythm with your breathing and your pawsteps.” He looked back towards Beanpaw to make sure he was listening. Some of what he said he could remember Blossomrain telling him once, and he could only imagine how much more detailed a description a RavenClan warrior could give.
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Post by darkwolf45 on Jul 2, 2019 23:00:35 GMT -6
His gaze was searching, as if he expected Shrikestar to still try and deny him, or to make up some excuse, but when the older tom didn't, some of the tension left his shoulders. His breathing evened out as he sheathed his claws and nodded slowly, "Okay." Beanpaw shuffled his paws slightly, "Thank you Shrikestar. This..." He trailed off, uncertain of how to explain what this meant to him, amber eyes flickering as he instead took a step back, preparing himself for training. Turning he looked towards the willow trees that Shrikestar had been looking at before he leaned forward, breathing evenly before he bolted forward, paws kicking up dirt and leaves as he ran towards the trees.
He could do this. He would be faster.
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Post by niftyshark on Jul 2, 2019 23:20:15 GMT -6
Shrikestar watched Beanpaw run off, and he sighed. He made no effort to go after the apprentice as he disappeared from view. The sorrow Shrikestar felt was acute, and he regretted that he couldn’t help Beanpaw more with his loss. He only hoped that the young tom would sort through his grief and come out of it himself. Shrikestar would always be there to guide him if he needed it. He turned in the opposite direction, preparing to hunt while Beanpaw practiced on his own.
(fin)
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