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Post by theatricals on Aug 2, 2019 20:38:46 GMT -6
It felt like six moons had passed since she returned to the Clan, even though it had been far less. Thistlemoon couldn't remember, knowing that not only had time passed quickly, but even more time had passed since she last spoke to Trenchflame. There were several instances in which she had the chance, but she stumbled over her words and couldn't get anything out. She wasn't a young kit needing guidance anymore, so no one had a reason to take note of her struggle. It was a lonely existence.
Sitting at the fresh-kill pile brought her closer to her clanmates, which she appreciated, but the storm cloud still remained since her departure from her sister, and she was unsure if it would ever go away.
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Post by niftyshark on Aug 3, 2019 19:19:02 GMT -6
Trenchflame thought for a long time that he lost Tansyglow and Thistlemoon like he did Nimblestep. They were just gone, without a trace, and it took him moons to accept it. He was steady in his acceptance, but it was torn apart when Thistlemoon returned without warning. It left Trenchflame numb and shell-shocked, as if she came back to life, and he didn’t know what to do. The easiest thing to do was to pretend she wasn’t there, and go back to the way he lived.
And that was what he did. But with Thistlemoon back, he couldn’t wish for his new normalcy. After several moons, he knew he couldn’t walk past her without saying anything anymore. It took a quarter moon of planning what he would say before he could approach her.
On a day where the sun was out, chasing away much of leaf-bare’s bitter chill, Trenchflame plodded through the snowy clearing. He approached Thistlemoon carefully, a knot of rare anxiety twisting in his stomach. “Thistlemoon?” he began tentatively. His time of planning what to say immediately flew out of his head now that the moment was here, and he was left fumbling. Left with no backup, he went to the heart of the matter. “Can we talk? ...Outside of camp.”
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Post by theatricals on Aug 10, 2019 14:31:26 GMT -6
Thistlemoon thought for just a moment that the cat approaching would merely greet her, take something from the fresh-kill pike, and then retreat to their own corner of the camp. But when they spoke, she was forced to look up, and she was surprised to find that it was actually Trenchflame who was speaking to her. It was enough of a shock for her to not register what he said right away, but eventually she caught up enough to say, "O--okay." She would have said more had she been expecting his approached, but she had pretty much come to the conclusion that her father would not speak to her again.
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Post by niftyshark on Aug 19, 2019 19:52:40 GMT -6
Trenchflame was left standing there awkwardly for a moment, trying to comprehend that she agreed without much complaint. Then he nodded and spun around, leaving camp without delay. Fully expecting her to follow, he walked until he was a short distance away from camp. He wanted to be out of earshot, since the conversation was one he considered private.
His thoughts were jumbled. There was so much he wanted to say, but he didn’t even know where to begin. Express that he was glad she was back? Admit that he’d been a terrible father? Ask for forgiveness and a chance to start anew? Mention that he went through a long period of self-reflection and changed? Question if Tansyglow was really dead? He shook his head, rapidly and in frustration. Nothing was ever easy.
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Post by theatricals on Aug 23, 2019 20:12:48 GMT -6
Thistlemoon followed silently, her ears plastered to her head as a storm of thoughts rushed through her. She wasn't sure she wanted to have this conversation, and she could feel herself clamping up at the mere thought of it. Was Trenchflame expecting her to explain everything that had happened? He was her father, and she loved him, but it felt better for everyone that she stuck to the story that she had told the rest of her Clan. A part of her wondered if it was fully for Tansyglow's sake, or for her own, but she buried that idea down deep.
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Post by niftyshark on Aug 31, 2019 16:01:20 GMT -6
Cutting straight to the point seemed like the best option, so he did just that again. He braced himself against an oak tree and faced Thistlemoon. He took a deep breath. “I just wanted to say that I’m glad you came back. I thought I lost you.” Trenchflame realized that sounded hollow coming from him, so he clarified. “I know I wasn’t there for any of you when I should have been, and I don’t expect any forgiveness. I just wanted you to know my thoughts, that I know now I made many mistakes. You don’t even need to give me a chance. I just... wanted to tell you.” The words spilled out, and even though they sounded pathetic to his ears, he felt lighter now that they were out in the open.
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Post by theatricals on Aug 31, 2019 17:11:28 GMT -6
The words he spoke even sounded hollow to her, despite how genuine he may be. What really hit her, though, was the question of why he was bringing this up to begin with. To not speak for a moon, and suddenly approach her now... it was too much for her to truly comprehend. "I needed to help Tansyglow," she said, and she hated how flat she sounded. She didn't sound defensive, or even sympathetic--it was almost automatic, the way in which she responded, which she could only attribute to their broken connection that had only worsened the longer she was away. Almost to make a point, she said, "She needed me."
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Post by niftyshark on Aug 31, 2019 17:30:16 GMT -6
It wasn’t an answer Trenchflame hoped for, but it made him wonder all the more about her time spent away from her clan. He wanted to ask about Tansyglow, but right now he was in front of Thistlemoon, so it was only fair to talk about her. “I see,” he said, fighting for words that didn’t come willingly. “I’m not blaming you. It’s good that you went to support her.” How could he bring the conversation in the direction he wanted it to go? “I should have approached you the moment you returned. I just... I didn’t know what to say. And the longer I waited, the harder it became.” His ears flattened. Why was this so hard? Why couldn’t things be different?
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Post by theatricals on Aug 31, 2019 18:08:43 GMT -6
Thistlemoon's actions mirrored his own, as her body language turned to one of discomfort and uncertainty. She shouldn't really be feeling those things in front of her father, should she? It just felt so wrong. "I didn't think you would want to talk to me. I left the Clan." It was said with such a blatant tone that some might think her mind ran in black and white. Leaving the Clan meant a cat was not trustworthy, and that it was one of the worst things one could do. No matter the circumstances, she had done such a thing, and she would not have expected Trenchflame to approach her after that.
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Post by niftyshark on Aug 31, 2019 19:53:50 GMT -6
The warrior code, his opinion of the clan... they were always rocky subjects for him. “I don’t fault you for that,” he said quietly. “I never felt like I fully fit in here... so I could never berate you for leaving if you felt the same.” He was more so worried that she died and he never got to know for sure. “Nimblestep was the only cat who kept me feeling grounded. After she was gone... I felt lost. Even though I had you and your siblings.” It was something he regretted when he looked back, but Trenchflame could only move forward now. “Now I know what I did was a mistake. I only hope I can repent in time.” He looked away briefly, then back. He resolved not to ask about Tansyglow, but he desperately wanted to know. “Tansyglow... you said she didn’t make it out of a fox encounter. Was that... was that the truth?” he asked resignedly.
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Post by theatricals on Sept 18, 2019 22:31:03 GMT -6
It hurt to hear about her mother, but so much of her life had been her wanting to live up to her sister's image that her other connections had become skewed. She even had an outsider tell her straight out that she was a freak just from how she talked, and it had hurt her enough to where she didn't leave the den for a quarter moon. Cats were so different out there, where no one knew you and you knew nobody else. It was such a shift that it was hard for her to know anything else other than her sister and Breezehowl. Even bringing her up made Thistlemoon nervous, but Trenchflame wanted to know. She was torn between the need to keep her sister safe and the need to reassure her father. She could never do both. "I don't know," she responded softly, as though it physically pained her. "I... I don't know." She could try to explain, but for once, she actually spoke the truth. She didn't know where she was, if she was alive... nothing.
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